i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
