just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
