I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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