I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
