Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
