My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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