Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
