I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dear god my vagina.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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