When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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