I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
