I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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