I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
