Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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