Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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