I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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