You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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