When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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