i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
