everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
