He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
