the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i have herpe
just one?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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