if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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