It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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