eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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