is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
