"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
