i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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