How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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