Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
