Pappa wants mamma naked
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
