It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
