I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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