So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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