Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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