:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
