I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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