Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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