Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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