In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
