no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
