HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
