Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
