apparently the secret to your success is patron
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
