How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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