Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize