I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
