I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
