I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
