dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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