I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
