My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
