Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
