Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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