So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
