eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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