The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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