and you said cock pushups were impossible
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
