I need to stop coming to work sober
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize