Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
