U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
