Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
