We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
