She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
