There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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