I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
