Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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