Who wears a wallet chain?!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
