Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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