who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Randomize
