listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
