I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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