I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
