Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
